Face Manipulative Criticism

How do you handle criticism? Most people aren’t very comfortable with them, and that’s totally normal. Criticism is sometimes destructive and in other cases manipulative.

Differentiating constructive criticism from one that is intended to manipulate or hurt can be a very difficult task. Just thinking about the word critical already feels a kind of inner repudiation.

It is for this reason that today we are going to learn to face criticism, especially those manipulative ones, which we must not allow to affect us.

The origin of criticism

Why are criticisms born? What purpose do you have? This is something that, if we stop to think about it, we will get few or no answers. The origin of the criticisms that they make about us or that we make ourselves have 3 reasons:

• We try to change a situation that bothers us, worries us or makes us feel uncomfortable.
• We intend to strengthen our relationship with the other person, as we are afraid that they will be weakened.
• We want our interlocutor to accept the criticism, and we try to facilitate this process.

These are the 3 most common reasons, but what happens? Why don’t they work as they should and end up being much more negative for the person receiving the criticism?

The truth is that we make a lot of mistakes when we formulate our criticisms or when people formulate theirs. To begin with, sometimes we don’t choose the right moment or our criticism is forced, unnaturally, something that is usually accompanied by an unconscious aggressiveness.

Also, sometimes we give unnecessary advice,  our messages don’t have the necessary force, so it was better not to say or not to make comparisons. All of this has a negative effect on the person receiving the criticism, something that can significantly damage the relationship and cause problems with self-esteem and confidence in the object of criticism.

The fog

We all know what a fog is, which seems to engulf everything around it, immutably absorbing and making everything disappear. Fog is indestructible and only disappears when you want it.

That’s how we should be. We have to be a fog in the face of all manipulative criticism whose intention is to hurt and destroy us. People who make this kind of criticism have serious self-esteem issues that they want to camouflage by hurling manipulative criticisms at others.

But if you use the fog technique, people will throw criticisms that won’t change your state, and in the end the other person will get bored. That’s the goal: to get the other person to give up.

Of course, we cannot fight back, as the result will be disastrous. We cannot put ourselves on the person’s level because that will only fuel more criticism, it will make us weak! Just be a fog, don’t get upset in the face of criticism. It’s normal for them to affect you, but be strong to at least hide it. You will find that sooner or later the other person will get tired. Criticism will end up being carried with the wind.

If you have ever been in a situation like this, you should be aware that, even if the other person wants to make you feel inferior, they are the ones who are really inferior to you. This little self-confidence is what makes a person act this way. It’s contradictory, but it’s real. People who are filled with negativity somehow try to “harm” others in order to feel good about themselves.

You don’t deserve to be the object of manipulative critics, and if you feel right now that you’re in the role of manipulative critic, correct that! Your self-esteem and trust issues should not affect your relationships, others are not to blame. All manipulative criticisms will only take effect if you let them affect you. So be a fog; you will see how malicious criticism disappears from your life.

Images courtesy of Jim Konn Devianart, Art Graphc 3k, Emily Thornsed