How To Improve Active Listening?

Most of us know the importance of knowing how to listen to others, and many probably think they do it well, but is this belief real? Is it possible to improve active listening? Next, we’ll explain the benefits of listening and what we can do to develop this ability.

What is active listening? This term was created by Carl Rogers, an American psychologist, when he developed some of the most important aspects of his interpersonal theory in 1942. Since then, this term has expanded its meaning and has come to be applied in most areas.

Active listening is an act that we perform voluntarily; therefore, it requires our attention and our intention. It is an apprenticeship and, as such, it can be improved, trained and acquired, like any other. As it requires our participation, it is a fact that implies effort and concentration. So we are not talking about a mere passive activity.

What does active listening mean?

Scientists Roger and Farson (1979) describe active listening as the quality of causing changes in other people’s lives, in addition to generating trust, closeness, security and empathy with others. All of this is part of this fundamental tool, although science reports that people only remember between 10 and 25% of everything they hear.

Listening means focusing on the other, on the one who has decided to share their experience, life or problems with you. Listening takes effort, it is not an easy task, so we must decide when we want or we can actively listen to the other.

When we put this tool into action, we need to silence the voices that exist within us. We need to eliminate remorse, guilt, haste, nerves, to dedicate ourselves 100% to the act of listening.

Active listening requires understanding but not an answer. Your own listening encourages the other to keep talking. Someone who is feeling listened to receives an invitation to continue, an encouragement to open up and share with others what is bothering them. Listening to each other also requires patience and therefore is part of the work we can do to improve ourselves as people.

What are the enemies of this ability?

There are barriers that make active listening difficult. Some of the most important are:

• Beliefs: Our beliefs shape how we perceive the world. Listening to someone who doesn’t share our ideas can generate tension and/or rejection. Therefore, to practice active listening, we need to focus our attention on the other and not on ourselves.
• Expectations: what we expect from the other or from the situation takes us one way or another. How many times have you disconnected from the conversation because you already knew how it would end? Did you already know what the other would say? Expectations do not allow for active listening, as they distract us from what is really important: understanding the other.

• Aptitudes: each one is born with different aptitudes (potentialities). Some listen better, some communicate, some do both, and there are others who aren’t particularly good at either. Listening to the other requires learning and training; therefore, it is “like a sport” that we can all practice and improve.
• Attitude: what is my attitude towards a conversation that doesn’t interest me? In front of someone I don’t want to be with but who should I listen to? Listening to the other is an exercise of will that requires patience and attitude.

What can we do to improve active listening?

The most basic keys to improving active listening are:

• Do not interrupt.
• Pay attention with your body and your eyes.
• Keep eye contact.
• Don’t judge or interpret what others say, just listen.
• Notice both the words and the gestures and movements of the speaker. Your verbal language also communicates something and needs to be heard.
• From time to time, summarize what is being said to make sure you understand correctly what the other person is saying.
• Give feedback from time to time; that is, nod your head in the affirmative or, for example, nod to show that you are still listening.
• The rule of the three Rs – receiving, reflecting and reviewing – helps us to improve in this regard.

Remember that we are all born with ears, but we don’t know how to listen to each other. Active listening can be learned and trained, but it requires willingness. The benefit of feeling heard is what should motivate you to improve this ability.