Over-Trusting: When Trust Becomes A Mistake

There may be those who accuse us of trusting too much. However, can we be punished and labeled “naive” for placing our trust in someone? The truth is, not in any case. Because offering trust and expecting to receive it is not a mistake. The problem lies with who lies, who plays with other people’s hearts and distorts the essences of respect.

Lao-Tse said that those who don’t trust enough will not be trustworthy. Somehow, whether we like someone or not, everyone is “forced” to trust others to get along. Otherwise, we would live in environments characterized by permanent anguish. Otherwise, no one would dare, for example, to hold the wheel of a car, ride on any public transport or leave the children at school in charge of the employees of the place.

Our culture and our civilization base much of their social essence and dynamics on the principle of trust. We need the confidence to be able to get along, to be able to reduce the feeling of fear and uncertainty in our relationships; because trusting, after all, is this act of faith that we practice daily with our eyes closed but with our hearts open.

So, sometimes, we can feel enormous pain when someone accuses us of overconfident after going through a negative experience. When we are told something like this, to the suffering caused by the disappointment experienced, there is added the question: was I too naive in this case? Should I have faced the situation with more malice and been more prudent?

Trusting too much, the power of emotions

We can say that the word “trust” is one of the most beautiful words that exist. This term not only defines our ability to create connections based on security and full affection with others, but also a principle that drives us to action, an action in which there is no fear, in which we dare not relate. without a sense of worry or dread.

However, there is one piece of information that might catch our attention. As psychologist Joe Bavonese of the Relationship Institute in Royal Oak, Michigan, puts it, people have become more suspicious over the past ten years.

One factor that explains this is advances in new technologies. Thanks to them, we have access to a large amount of information and we also have the possibility to meet many more people. However, none of these dimensions are 100% reliable for us.

At the same time, it seems that living in a present so rooted in uncertainty (economic, social, political, etc.) also affects our relationships. We are a little more cautious, a little more demanding. Still, there are many people who are labeled overconfident individuals. What are these people like who sometimes sin with overconfidence in others?

Affective (or emotional) trust and cognitive trust

When people build bonds of trust, they do it through two very specific dimensions:

• First, there is affective trust, which is mainly nourished on the emotional plane. That’s when we feel that these or that people are trustworthy because that’s what our heart tells us, because we feel very close to them, because the emotions that make us feel are very valuable to us.

• Cognitive confidence. In this case, judgments, thoughts and beliefs are added to the emotional dimension. People already have a series of judgments that convince us in a perhaps more practical and objective way of why these people are trustworthy.

As explained in a study carried out by Jennifer Dunn, from the University of California, USA, when we trust too much, we may get too carried away on the emotional plane. Our judgments do not always fit reality and we are possibly limited to listening to our emotions without being able to see or analyze other more concrete evidence.

When is trusting a mistake?

Trusting others will never be a mistake for us. We cannot forget that our brain is a purely social organ designed to connect, establish relationships and thus ensure our survival. Trust is a basic principle in human beings and, therefore, going through a disappointment, a betrayal or a lie is often experienced as something traumatic.

So, making this point clear, in what situations can we criticize ourselves for over-reliance? These would be some examples.

When we don’t take past experiences into account

It may be that someone lets us down once or even twice. However, if after several disappointments, offenses, bad times and bitterness, we continue to place our trust in that person, the error is ours.

Experience is always the best advisor. Therefore, no one can blame themselves for having done wrong once. Living is also falling, stumbling and leaving our hearts in the wrong hands. However, after these situations it is necessary to have a moment of introspection and learn from it. Tripping over the same rock several times is not good for anyone.

When we forget that we must be demanding in relationships

Over-relying sometimes means exposing yourself to unnecessary harm. It never hurts to apply a little excellence in relationship matters and dare to be sophisticated and demanding when choosing friends and partners.

Therefore, it is necessary to remember which are the three indisputable principles of trust. Those that no one should infringe:

• Trust is knowing that we are worthy of receiving support and help when we need it or ask for it.
• Trust is being able to confide in without being judged or betrayed.
• Finally, trust is knowing that we are not going to be harmed in any way by the person in whom we place our trust.

In conclusion, we all need to be able to trust someone. Without this daily support, life becomes hard and loses momentum… Therefore, we must try to be good providers of this dimension with others, but also prudent when choosing who to deposit this precious good.