Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent Has Consequences In Adulthood

The effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent into adulthood are relevant. No one comes out unscathed from these years living with such a damaging personality on so many levels. Manipulation, self-centeredness, obsession with obedience and perfection, total disregard for the needs of children…

Some say that growing up with a narcissistic parent is like being subject to a cult leader. They are figures with great power to psychologically nullify others. They are adept at emotionally draining those around them. They are experts at making us believe that our dreams, hobbies and goals are completely useless.

The poet TS Eliot used to say that half of the damage done in this world comes from people who want to be important. When we experience this dynamic in childhood and adolescence from our parents, it is common for us to continue to suffer from its impact in adult life.

These are the consequences of growing up with a narcissistic parent

At 8, 9 or 10 years old, we already started to imagine an adult life. In addition to the idealistic fantasies of the time, it is common to imagine ourselves in a specific way: being happy and dedicating ourselves to what we love most. However, growing up with a narcissistic parent, it’s very difficult to become the person you want to be.

There is an excess of unhealed emotional trauma and neglected psychological areas. The mental submission to which one is submitted becomes an insurmountable obstacle to building the foundations of good self-esteem, a fundamental pillar for emotional management. These deficiencies act as burdens for correct psychosocial development and self-confidence, basic elements for achieving dreams and desires.

Likewise, according to a study by the University of Bahauddin (Pakistan), it is very common for the narcissistic profile to appear in the father.

Now, what effects might these experiences have on adulthood?

You live dominated by paralyzing emotions

What are crippling emotions? They are the ones that do not allow you to be yourself, that limit your decision-making capacity, self-care and that turn off your potential. So one of the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent is living in constant indecision and insecurity. You have difficulty solving problems, deciding for yourself, meeting your needs…

At the same time, a corrosive feeling of guilt persists. Guilt for not having reacted before to everything we suffered in childhood and adolescence, guilt for not being able to be what we really want.

The effects of gaslighting 

Growing up with a narcissistic parent means being impacted by gaslighting almost every day. I mean, that dad managed to make us believe we were fallible about almost everything. He convinced us that we had little to offer the world and that each of our dreams and hobbies was little more than nonsense.

He criticized our friends and underestimated all the merits achieved. Every blow to self-esteem is still there and we still continue to doubt our potential. This can cause us to end up suffering from what is known as the imposter syndrome.

Eco person, what I need doesn’t matter

The ecoist personality prefers to exist, but without being very noticeable. He knows very well what it is to live with someone who is selfish and, therefore, he tries to be the opposite, to the point of becoming pathological. That is, they completely neglect their needs, putting aside their opinions and desires to turn exclusively to other people.

One of the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent is to become an adult who prefers to live in the shadow of others. They don’t want to be a burden. They don’t want to bother or worry anyone… In fact, when asked about their preferences, tastes or desires, they can’t answer.

ambivalent insecure attachment

Ambivalent insecure attachment is permeated by fears and needs. The person who grew up with a narcissistic parent wants to be loved but fears being hurt again and is therefore suspicious. This creates a series of contradictory dynamics in affective issues that lead to failure in relationships.

The somatized anger, the pain that yearns to emerge

Another recurring factor among those who had to grow up with a narcissistic parent is somatization. All the accumulation of negative valence emotions suffered in the past and not managed is still there, especially anger. This emotion experienced in the face of every contempt, manipulation, belittling and psychological abuse leaves a mark. Something like that usually translates into various physical ailments.

To conclude, there are many consequences that can stay with us as a result of these experiences. Now, the most important thing is to deal with all these realities. Psychological therapy can enable us to overcome these inner wounds and shape a much better present and future.