Love Must Be Watered Every Day, Especially Love Itself

There always comes a time in our lives when we start to practice it. We refer to the art of surrounding ourselves with healthy things: people, situations, things… Some will call it selfishness; I, however, call it personal dignity. Because if we don’t feel self-love, what other kind of love can we want?

One of the most interesting aspects of psychology today is undoubtedly self-esteem or self-esteem. Every day more approaches, more techniques and renowned gurus “blossom” who want to give us the perfect formula. However, there is one aspect that we must make clear: self-love is not found outside of us, it is built, delicately weaved and watered every day like the most powerful seed of our being.

Many experts in the emotional world claim that the secret to the problem of self-love lies in our upbringing. We are not taught to love ourselves, to set limits, to trust our abilities. All of this makes us, little by little, start to create a self-esteem based exclusively on our interactions with others.

The image of ourselves is introduced into what others think and say. We have become, almost without knowing how, fragile fireflies looking for a spotlight and dreaming of becoming “special”. When in fact what we really need is to learn to be ourselves, accept our greatness, shortcomings and identities. We propose a reflection on the theme.

Self-love is not everything: practice self-compassion

This subject is undoubtedly fascinating. If we take a small look at most of the self-help or personal growth books, we’ll notice that many of them associate self-love with success. With a high self-esteem, one imagines that one can achieve professional success. With a defined and unbroken self-love, our affective relationships are more satisfying.

However, these types of relationships are not always fulfilled. Self-love is not a guarantee of success, it is a personal value that gives us self-respect and the reaffirmation of our being. Thanks to him, we have better abilities to relate, to survive and to be part of our daily dynamics. However, a high self-esteem does not guarantee that we will triumph 100% in every area of ​​our lives.

In recent years there has been talk of a new and interesting concept: that of self-compassion. According to an article published in the magazine “ Personality and Social Psychology ”, we should see this strategy as a way to reach authentic personal wholeness. It would be like reaching a deeper level of self-love.

Self-pity means, first of all, treating our mistakes and our limitations with respect, with compassion. Embracing ourselves as people who deserve another opportunity to move forward, despite having failed at some point.

Even so, this dimension proposes that we stop judging, being defensive and comparing ourselves with others. It is necessary to keep an open mind and a warm heart that respects yourself, cultivating optimism, and consequently, humility. Only in this way will we be able to realistically validate our qualities, greatness and our potential.

Self-love is cultivated, protected and defended

You may be called selfish when you treat yourself first. It’s quite possible, too, that you’re accused of cowardice when you realize that this project no longer deserves your sweat. Because when bitterness burns, when sorrows ache, and when illusions take the form of broken dreams, it is necessary to make a deposit of self-love and simply press on steadily, making a deaf ear to words that hurt.

Whether we created it or not, self-love is a concept that many people confuse. Self-love is not pride, especially since those who respect themselves do not seek to feel superior to anyone else. The proud is the one who has not healed inside, who acts defensively, causing damage, hurting. These two dimensions are the opposite of the same coin.

Let’s see below which axes define self-love and how we should reinforce it.

Secrets to defending and building your self-love

Referring to an excerpt from Shakespeare mentioned earlier “we know what we are, but not what we can become”, we will realize that, at present, this idea is not fulfilled. People spend their lives dreaming about what they want to be, about what they would like to achieve, but actually we forget something: practicing self-knowledge.

• Carl Rogers has already written about it: “only when I accept myself as I am can I change, I can improve” . It must be borne in mind that self-love means, above all, putting  aside the “I should be” for the “I am” . Only in this way do we confer that personal glow that until recently had been filled with shadows.
• Another aspect to keep in mind, and which undoubtedly we do not always put into practice, is self-satisfaction. Enjoy yourself, appreciate who you are, what you have done and even the mistakes left behind. All this configures a precious  “mandala” where your whole being is contained in continuous growth.

Enjoy every tone of your life, every shape, every movement. It is his own creation that defines him and should inspire him every day. It must be made clear that in our lives we cannot aspire to complete personal satisfaction, but you deserve it and should strive to achieve at least 80%.

Remember: the less we accept it, the more we need others to accept it, and no one, absolutely no one, deserves this kind of slavery.