Four Steps To Beating The Inner Critic

How many times has it happened that when you meet a wonderful person with whom you believe you could start a successful relationship, an inner voice says to you,  “Do you really think this person will look at you? Look how she dresses! You must earn at least twice what you earn!”

The kind of thoughts that suddenly come to your mind come from past experiences in which the results were not favorable for you, and they are “warning” you not to suffer again. Psychologists call this voice the “inner critic”  and while we may think this is a tool that helps us avoid problems, it works more as an element of self-sabotage that keeps us from moving forward in life.

Although the inner critic “talks” to us in any situation, it  is particularly prevalent when it comes to romantic relationships or any kind of intimacy with other people, because in most cases, getting closer to others was what produced the most wounds. deep.

The “internal critic” does not send positive messages. Often you repeat the worst concepts sown by your parents or other close authority figures whose opinion was important to you.

Let’s say, for example, that for your mother, you were always lazy because you didn’t help around the house. When you meet a person you like who is successful at work, your inner critic can convince you that you will never win that person because you don’t try hard enough.

Or suppose your grandfather said you weren’t pretty. And when you meet the man or woman of your dreams, your inner critic will send you a message telling you not to get close. You won’t even see him again…

Get rid of this inner critic and gain confidence! To overcome this strong opponent, the following measures must be taken.

Learn to detect the critic’s voice as soon as it appears. If, at any given time of day, negative thoughts about yourself start attacking, stop for a minute and recognize that it’s not you, it’s your past experiences that are talking.

2. Transform your messages

When you were a kid, they called you lazy, said your face was out of harmony, or anything else about your style. But now you are an adult who can and is able to exert himself when he wants to, and whose physical characteristics are very nice (or at least original…). You recognize that you’ve changed and can get back to doing what you need to. Practice thinking about the same idea in a positive way, for example:  “This beautiful successful woman may like me, because I have a great good mood” . Or, perhaps, like this:  “The man of my dreams will realize that I have a great ability to relate to all kinds of people.”

3. Practice meditation

Meditating is a great tool to calm the inner voices that keep us trapped in a vicious circle. Surround yourself with a peaceful environment and relax your body in a disciplined way. Meditation puts the critic in the spotlight and helps keep him in line.

4. Don’t be afraid. Take a chance.

When the inner critic throws out one of his negative messages, dare to ignore him and do exactly the opposite of what he says. If you want to meet someone, but the critic keeps you from getting close, do the opposite. If the critic says that no one is going to speak to you, go against it and take the initiative to start a conversation with someone yourself. This can be very difficult at first because in a way you are denying a part of yourself, but if you can do this, the sense of triumph and pleasure you will feel will be unparalleled.

Remember that your worst enemy is not outside, but inside you. If you put these steps we just shared into practice, little by little you will be able to control that inner voice that forces you to sabotage your best opportunities.

Image Credits: Rachel Sian