Self-Esteem Q&A

What is self-esteem?

Surely you’ve heard the word self-esteem before. We can  then say that self-esteem is the assessment we make about ourselves and our feelings, experiences and thoughts. Self-esteem is not static and it’s not something we can say we’re born with or without.

Can self-esteem vary over time?

In fact, self-esteem varies throughout our life, depending on our personal situation, sentimental, etc. We can say that when there is an agreement between what we think, what we feel and what we do, in addition to being satisfied with it, our level of self-esteem is higher.

How important is self-esteem?

It is very important to have a good level of self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a factor that, in many cases, causes other problems, such as insecurity, anxiety, depression, eating problems, alcoholism, obsessions, etc.

Is it bad to have a lot of self-esteem?

Having a good level of self-esteem is not being selfish. There are people who confuse self-esteem with selfishness, but these are two very different things. Selfishness is thinking about ourselves first and then about us too, often without taking into account what others think, feel or expect of us. A good level of self-esteem, as opposed to selfishness, is to think of ourselves as one more being in humanity, with virtues and defects, not thinking that we are better or worse than anyone else, just unique and different.

People with self-esteem take risks, make mistakes and learn from them; They clearly take other people’s opinions into account, but they always defend their rights, ideas and opinions without offending others. They trust themselves and, if something doesn’t please them or isn’t right, they try to correct it.

How do I know if I have low self-esteem?

A low level of self-esteem is detected when we start to see others as better people than ourselves; we see only faults in ourselves (hopefully we also see some virtue, but we take credit for ourselves); we fail to give our opinion for fear of rejection; we seek approval from others; we avoid responsibility; we feel insecure; we don’t believe we can do things right; we are very afraid of failure, etc. Definitely, our image is distorted.

How can I assess my level of self-esteem?

You can list your strengths and weaknesses, for example. It is important that you strive until you can balance the two lists. Nobody is perfect. We all have positive qualities and others to improve. If you only see faults when making your list, think about what might be missing in the way you see yourself.

It is important that we take into account that we develop in different contexts in our lives (with friends, at work, in the family, with acquaintances, with strangers, etc) and it is possible that we do not have the same behavior in each context. Analyze yourself carefully and look for these qualities. Remember that one quality can be positive for you, while for others it can be neutral or even negative. The important thing is how you see yourself. You can also take professional self-esteem tests like this one by Rosenberg.

And the million-dollar question is: How can I improve my self-esteem?

1 – Don’t compare yourself to anyone, because everyone is different. Don’t take those negative comments from people who don’t know you and barely know what happens to you, or who you are, too seriously.

2 – Don’t confuse self-esteem with arrogance or selfishness. Having good self-esteem puts you at a point where you accept and understand that each person is unique in the world. It is quite another thing to think that you are inferior or superior to others; This is not self-esteem, much less healthy.

3 – Identify your fears, your mistakes and face them. It’s common: we’ve all made mistakes. The important thing is to find a way to resolve the mistakes and learn from them.

4 – Learn to say NO, to express your opinions and desires without fear, always using clear language and without offending the person you are talking to.

As a Hindu proverb says: ” There is so much good in the worst and so much bad in the best that it is absurd to condemn anyone”

Do you think you have a good level of self-esteem?

Image Credits: Salah Ghrissi