What Is “Cinderella’s Complex”?
We could name any of the fairy tale princesses we know. This complex has its origins in childhood and can affect personal and romantic relationships in the future. If you have daughters, don’t hesitate to read this article where we’ll talk about a tradition that has been going on for a long time, and whose conservation you may be helping, even without realizing it.
It’s not wrong to say that our daughters are the princesses of the house, because they really are. But what can be wrong is to create them so that they wait seated for the Blue Prince, the same thing that happens in tales like Cinderella’s.
The idea that a handsome gentleman, in armor and on horseback, will come to rescue them for the kiss that will wake them from a great sleep (as in Snow White), or stop being miserable and spend their lives cleaning up the floor (as in Cinderella) can be very beautiful in our imagination, but in reality, it doesn’t.
The Cinderella Complex (or syndrome) was studied by researcher Colette Dowling. She released a book entitled “Cinderella’s Complex: Women’s Fear of Independence.” Briefly, we could say that it deals with women’s unconscious desire to be protected or cared for at all times, leaving aside their own taste or activities. This could be due to upbringing or social or religious pressure. Dowling indicates that this syndrome actually arises from the fear of being independent.
The name given by the researcher to the study could not be more accurate. We all know the story of Cinderella: a young girl who spends all day looking after her stepmother and her evil sisters, is not allowed to go to the prince’s ball, until a fairy godmother transforms her into a princess.
Later, he loses his crystal shoe and the handsome prince goes from house to house, until he finds the shoe’s owner. According to this fairy tale, the woman must, at the same time, be innocent, beautiful and resigned and, of course, dependent on her husband, the “Prince Blue”.
In the book of “Cinderella”, the fairy godmother transforms the protagonist into a princess and, therefore, the male exemplar meets the princess at the ball. So, as Dowling says, a woman can only change the course of her life thanks to the relationship she establishes with a man. Otherwise, she would be a slave or servant for the rest of her life.
Certainly, many women think this is an attack on the feminine essence, which needs to be independent in all its activities. Others believe that it is not bad for the man to take on the responsibility, for example, of supporting the house while they dedicate themselves to taking care of the children and cleaning the house.
Why is the Cinderella Complex negative?
As a first measure, this complex prevents women from developing their skills, in addition to taking care of the house or taking care of raising children. Times have changed a lot and nowadays the only goal of most women is not to get married and start a family, as they also aspire to develop a good professional career.
Upon getting married, both men and women have the right to continue striving for their particular goals and dreams. Cinderella Syndrome indicates that this is not so, as the woman has to stay at home while being “protected” by her husband.
A wife who is too dependent on her partner is a stifling thing for both of them. That’s why this “princess rescued from the highest tower in the castle” complex can seriously affect the marriage. Life together is not a fairy tale, so if a woman doesn’t have self-assurance and doesn’t make her own decisions, everything can go downhill for both of them.
Although we all need affection, protection and “being saved” at some point in life, this cannot be a rule, but an exception. A hug that rescues us from a bad day is perfect and very pleasant, as well as a word of comfort in a difficult situation.
Lastly, the Cinderella Complex is negative because it doesn’t allow women to reach their personal goals. This makes them miserable, depressed, resigned and frustrated beings.
What happens when the “Princess Woman” is left alone?
This is a topic worth analyzing in detail. There are situations when, at the time of divorce, the wife realizes that she has no means to move forward, both emotionally and financially. So choose another man to keep you in this fairy tale and everything becomes a vicious circle.
How to avoid the Cinderella complex in our family?
If you are a mother (or father) of female daughters, give them the power of study and preparation. Teach them that it is necessary to have certain knowledge and professional experience before getting married or starting a family.
If you have male children, get them used to helping with household chores. That way, girls won’t need to take care of all the “feminine” chores, as society stipulates.
Raise sons and daughters who are able to reach their goals and fulfill their dreams, and who, in the future, aspire to enjoy a healthy and balanced relationship as a couple. Above all things… be sure to treat them like princesses (or princes)… who know what they want.
