The Bonds That Hold Me Are The Same Ones That Keep Me From Flying

If I feel trapped, I won’t be able to let go, I won’t be able to fly; if I don’t feel free, my wings will never open. Knowing this, why are there people who remain stuck in relationships that wear them down from the inside? The key could be the need to be loved, considered or valued.

The fear of loneliness or isolation would be at the base of emotional dependence, which contributes to creating very close and rigid bonds. People who suffer from it cannot imagine themselves without an emotional relationship or someone who constantly meets their emotional needs. The moment they feel alone or end a relationship, they look for another almost immediately, for fear of feeling unprotected or abandoned.

When we want to fly we want to feel light, we want to have a nest to return to, which we must build so that it is our base of safety. However, once we get the tools, we try to let go and see what’s out there, what we want and, above all, enjoy the flight.

If we create harmful or poor bonds, this flight will not be possible, as it will prevent me from climbing to the top and seeing a new point of view from there. It is not possible to see everything around me if I am stuck in the nest.

Good self-esteem as a key part of the puzzle

The defining characteristics of the people who create such rigid unions that sabotage freedom of choice would be:

• Difficulty making decisions for themselves.
• Constant need for affection and interest from the other.
• Low self esteem.
• Search for the approval of others.
• Ongoing sentimental relationships.

The most important piece, and which at the same time could act as a trigger for other factors, is usually low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem feel weak and helpless ; they generally don’t trust their judgment and so seek that security abroad.

Two strong and independent people make the decision to start a path together, but considering the pros and cons of the contract. Thus, they will be able to discern and make good decisions: the foundation will be built on good self-esteem and good judgment, not on weak and anxious needs or bonds.

Personal work to weave my wings and fly

Working with dependence on the other is a personal process, of inner search. What might be missing in me that I need to look for in the other? This could be the key question. Having a space for ourselves within the relationship gives us time to ask ourselves if what the other gives us is what we want, or if it gives us what we believe we deserve.

Emotional dependence makes appreciating ourselves difficult because we look outside for what we lack within. Stop and think: does it make me happy? Do I feel valued? Does it help me to be better than I am? Does it push me or stop me?

The most important issue in a healthy relationship is to understand that it would be possible to live perfectly without the other, but to realize that we are better with him or her. Decision, not necessity, is what makes us strong, complete, and secure people. Let us strive to work our wings, called self-esteem, and give ourselves the freedom to fly and choose.