The Expectation Trap In Relationships

Sentimental relationships are, without a doubt, one of the most important aspects of our lives. Perhaps, for this reason, they are also the ones that cause the most headaches. Why do most people have so many complications in their relationships? One of the main reasons is the power of expectations in relationships.

We all have an idea in our heads about what a perfect love story would look like. We dream of someone ideal, who is exactly as we wish.  Unfortunately, the real world is almost never as perfect as our fantasies.

So when we start dating someone, our own desires overwhelm us. When comparing another person with an ideal, it is almost impossible not to lose out. That’s why, in this article, we’ll explain how to avoid the negative effects of expectations on relationships.

Why do expectations in relationships cause problems?

We human beings cause a lot of suffering with our rational mind. Albert Ellis, the father of rational-emotive therapy, said that what causes us pain is not what happens to us. The fault is what we tell ourselves about what happens to us.

That way, even before starting a new relationship, we already know exactly what it should be like. When our new sentimental partner deviates a little from what we expected, it ends up making us angry.

With this kind of thinking, it’s not surprising that expectations are so harmful. Also, the problem gets worse because we don’t talk to the other person about what we want them to do. Unfortunately, the common thing is to start dating someone and expect that person to guess exactly how they’re supposed to behave with us.

Then, when the other person inevitably breaks some of our unspoken rules, we get angry and regret it. However, is it necessary for this to happen? Is there any alternative to this behavior so useless for our well-being?

Avoiding the negative consequences of expectations in relationships

Below, you will find some advice to prevent your expectations from continuing to damage your love relationships.

1. Be a little more flexible

On some occasions, it seems that we are looking for a loving partner using a grocery list. We have a series of requirements that the other person must meet, and we are totally uncompromising with them. The problem is that we humans are rarely perfect, so it’s virtually impossible for anyone to completely fit the expectations of an ideal sentimental partner.

For all that, stop trying to find someone 100% perfect. Instead, try to enjoy the moment a little more. Having expectations is good, but you need to make sure you don’t take them to extremes, which will only hurt you.

2. Explain what is non-negotiable

Does that mean we shouldn’t expect anything from the new sentimental companion? None of that. It’s critical that you find out where your own limits lie: the things that are really non-negotiable to you. When you find out, you have to be able to convey it to the other person.

In this way, the loving partner will be able to know exactly what is really upsetting him. That way, it will be much easier for him not to hurt you without realizing it. This will make most of the problems experienced within love relationships not even appear between you.

3. Ask your partner what his limits are

It’s great that you clearly know what is non-negotiable for you. However, for the relationship to really work, you also have to find out what your partner’s boundaries are. The easiest way to do this is, of course, to ask him.

Unfortunately, not everyone knows what’s really important to your well-being. So if you see that your sentimental partner can’t tell you what he needs, and what really upsets him, you’ll have to help him find out.

Only by knowing exactly what those limits are can you together avoid the problems created by expectations in relationships.