I Want To Learn Not To Allow Abuse

Do they think I’m weak? Why me and not others? Abuses are selective, or so it seems to people who have been abused. Abuses can come through our partner, our friends, or even our family. Abuse can surprise us at any time and catch us totally off guard.

Abuse can be both verbal and physical. This must be taken into account, as verbal abuse is perhaps the most widespread and the most difficult to detect. It’s so subtle that sometimes we can’t find out who the aggressors are, because their blows are their words.

learning to be assertive

It’s very easy to say but difficult to do. And the aggressor knows this. Therefore, he often uses situations to leave her totally awestruck and surprised! This way you don’t know how to act.

Until a situation repeats itself a second time, you don’t know which step to take. You feel confused, perhaps lost, and your surprise at his reaction is such that you are shocked. It’s completely normal. The situation is sometimes superior to you. These are diverse and multifaceted situations that you would never expect to happen.

At this point, you need to think: are you going to respond or react to abuse? They are two very different things. Think that  the important thing is not to play the abuser’s game,  what matters is that he ceases to be interested in us.

For none of this to be of interest to the abuser, we must know how to fight back whatever he tells us. That’s why there is assertiveness. Not letting someone else use their power against us, not letting them make us afraid, is the best we can do.

don’t join his game

As we said before, the best thing to do is not to play his game. That’s why  our relationship must be very important, because with it the abuser will know whether to leave us alone or continue. That said, consider some factors that will help you deal with an abusive person:

• The abuser will make you afraid. Use this fear to think quickly, be more awake, and know how to respond. Don’t let fear paralyze and block your actions.
• Be firm and question everything the abuser orders. Don’t let him know he might have power over you, who does he think he is to order you around?
• Be sure of yourself.  Self-confidence is palpable and hurts any abuser looking for a victim.
• Body language gives you away. Stay relaxed, look into his eyes and keep a steady gaze. It is very important that you do not tremble your voice and that you are safe at all times.

It is a fact that there are people more exposed than others to abusers. For example, some people are very resistant to verbal abuse, so much so that they are physically abused for precisely that reason. If you find yourself unable to stop the abuse, get help! There are people who can support and help in this situation. You are not alone.

Learn to say “no”, learn to know what you want, what you don’t want to allow, what you deserve… Security in itself frightens abusers. High self-esteem and unshakable security will be your best weapons so that attackers flee and don’t come near you.

Images courtesy of Zhongwen Yu