Don’t Confuse Feelings With Realities

When we talk about realities, we are referring to those that we can objectively perceive through our senses and that may or may not depend on our subjective interpretation. The difference between the actual fact and our interpretation can determine how we feel.

Therefore, we can feel or think differently when faced with a given situation. Each person can interpret the same fact in different ways. What you see is actually a product created by your brain, which filters out endless information, so you can build your vision about the situation.

The relationship between thought and emotion

Thoughts and emotions are definitely related. We feel a certain way, depending on “how we think and what we think”. How we interpret and process external facts is responsible for the physiological changes and bodily reactions that take place within us. We call these reactions emotions and we can rate them as pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral.

Often we cannot correctly distinguish an emotion from a thought and, although they are closely linked, they are different entities, which it is worth knowing how to differentiate if we want to have control over our mood. The difference goes beyond its definition, because it affects how we recognize and treat it.

In psychology there are many cognitive biases or errors in thinking that are very common, but we don’t realize that we have to deal with their consequences. An error in thinking can be defined as a biased interpretation of what is actually happening. That is, I am seeing my construction of reality, based on my beliefs and not my senses. This interpretation can be completely different from what is happening.

snow is not red

In therapies many people say “I understand what you are saying, but for me reality is what I feel and how I feel”. This is a mistake in thinking: confusing feelings with realities. This argument, however surreal or childish it may seem, can provoke wrong thinking and dysfunctional behavior.

The truth is, reality is what it is, no more and no less. However, I can create a subjective reality as I see fit, for good or ill, and pay a heavy price for it all. Often, when people tell me the phrase “if I feel it, it’s like this”, I give the example of red snow or any other example that has to do with a color. Few people can argue about color!

I say then that this argument used is as if I suddenly said that “I realized that snow is red and not white, because I feel that it is so; so for me the snow is red”. Of course, anyone who heard this would say I’m crazy. So, as much as I feel that snow is red, it is actually white.

We can clearly see all this in anorexia nervosa; patients feel they have more weight than they actually do. They feel that way and act accordingly. However, their height and weight, compared to the general population, are normal.

enjoy the realities

Living means going through good times and bad. Realize what is happening in your life and force yourself to look outside, “cleaning your glasses” to see well. Otherwise, we get used to seeing in a biased way and don’t see the difference between “what is and what we think we are”.

In order to do that, we need to detect these errors in thinking that appear from time to time. Today we talk about confusing thoughts with realities, but there’s a lot more to it: personifying a situation, playing guesswork, generalizing a specific event, and so on.

Once you’ve identified these mistakes,  you have to work hard not to distort reality and see things as they are.

For example, when I think, “It’s true that, because of my accumulated experiences and beliefs, I’m feeling that I might fall into depression if he rejects me,” I realize that just keeping that feeling doesn’t mean it should always be that way. In fact, what you do doesn’t have much to do with what happens to me later. I react according to my inner beliefs.

Gradually, as we practice, we become more realistic and adapt to the world as water adapts to containers. The result is a calmer, fuller and happier life, where the realities you perceive are much more faithful than before, not a life full of pathological emotions that end up blocking us.