When They Don’t Love You But Don’t Let You Go Either

Love always puts us at crossroads, even though many of them are happy labyrinths. However, sometimes these confusions are not so gratifying. That’s what happens when you’re in front of one of those people who don’t love you but don’t let you go either.

On the one hand, you feel that this person is not really interested in you. It doesn’t care about your needs, nor does it make a greater effort to make you happy. However, on the other hand, when the glass overflows and you announce your intention to end the relationship, she makes hundreds of promises because she says she doesn’t want to lose you.

This conflict is bewildering. Sometimes it makes you think that maybe you’re confused. Despite this, you quickly return to see signs that she doesn’t love you. And the cycle starts again. What to do in this distressing situation?

how to know they don’t love you

Love always generates some suffering. But if it is healthy, it should generate many more moments of well-being than of affliction. It should also be based on clarity, although this does not exclude doubts or contradictions from time to time. In short, love should make you happy.

From this idea, you can see that the person doesn’t love you when there is more anxiety than calm. When you spend more time suffering absences and misunderstandings than enjoying your partner’s company. When you take a moment to think and realize that you no longer know what it’s like to have inner peace. When all the time you feel hurricanes in your heart.

They don’t love you when they don’t pay enough attention to you. Also when they ignore their needs and their feelings. Or when you are underestimated, rejected or criticized. It’s always easy to know when they don’t love you. The hard part is ending the relationship and making decisions in front of it.

Why don’t they let you go?

What is always surprising is that, even though the person doesn’t love you, they won’t let you go. This confuses him. If you love this person, you end up convincing yourself that you are loved too, albeit in a strange way. Proof of this is that she doesn’t allow you to end the relationship. Why does it happen?

The main reasons for this to happen are three:

• A selfish need. The other person knows they don’t love you, but they also feel they need you. Maybe you don’t know how to deal with loneliness and you haven’t found a new partner. If he does, he won’t hesitate to break up with you.
• Possessiveness and self-centeredness. Many people cannot tolerate the idea of ​​someone taking their place. They assume that their partner is like a possession they shouldn’t lose. The fear that you will get a new partner and generate a narcissistic wound is what keeps you from letting go.
• Lack of maturity. Perhaps what happens is simply that the other person has no idea what it means to love others. She likes to be loved but doesn’t know how to respond.

The common thing about all this is that it is a selfish position. The couple put their own needs above others. That’s why he doesn’t mind hurting you, as long as you don’t have to admit your shortcomings or limitations.

How to overcome this situation

If you’re in a situation like this, it’s a good idea not to let any more time go by without putting things in order. Nothing good can come out of an asymmetrical relationship. On the contrary. The common thing is that everything starts to become more and more problematic, generating many bad moments, in addition to insecurities and stagnation.

The first thing is to analyze the situation and decide if they really don’t love you. Don’t get carried away by victimization. Just reflect and determine if your partner really cares about you and enriches your life. Otherwise, it is better to propose a frank dialogue. State your own motives and try to understand the motives of others. It’s possible that the other person doesn’t even understand why he acts the way he does.

What follows is leaving that person. Erase it from your life, using every mechanism you have at your disposal. A relationship like that is not worth it. It hurts, it limits and you can end up getting sick. If you think it’s impossible to finish, that you can’t tolerate the pain of leaving her, it’s time to ask for help. This is not Love. Deep down there are other reasons.