5 Reasons Why You Can’t Find The Love Of Your Life

The idea that the “love of your life” exists was widespread. In one way or another it’s a contemporary version of the half-orange myth. Implicitly, it introduces the idea that there is a great predestined love for us and that our role is to seek it and find it. It’s supposed that if you don’t find the love of your life, you should keep looking.

There’s nothing wrong with embellishing love for two with romantic ideas. In fact, it can be enriching. The problem arises when you assume that you have not found the love of your life, but that at any moment you will find him somewhere. And that will really last a lifetime. If not, it’s because that person “wasn’t the right one”, but someone else will be.

The problem with all of this is that it can lead some people to live up to an ideal reality. And ideal realities only live in the world of ideas, not in reality. So it’s worth clarifying things a bit more. To do that, let’s look at five reasons why you can’t find the love of your life.

1. The love of your life doesn’t exist

The first reason you can’t find the love of your life is because it doesn’t exist. At least, it doesn’t exist in those terms of someone predestined to occupy an extraordinary place in your heart. There isn’t a single person we can be happy with in a relationship, there are many.

Every relationship, no matter how wonderful, can end. This does not depend on fate, nor on foreign forces. It is simply a consequence of multiple factors. The most frequent ones are frustrated expectations and difficulty to maturely welcome the other into our lives.

2. Narcissism prevents you from accepting differences

Many people think that their ideal match is a kind of self-reflection. They are looking for someone who is their own version in someone else’s body. It is obvious that there must be a solid compatibility between the two, but that does not eliminate the fact that there can and are also great differences between the two.

If you don’t find the love of your life, chances are you have a very personal idea of ​​love. Maybe you believe that a great love is one that satisfies your needs or fulfills your desires, but what about you?

Are you able to completely satisfy the other person’s needs and desires? Are you just looking at everything from your point of view, without considering the other side of the story?

3. Teen fantasies, a reason you can’t find the love of your life

There are many people who still support the idea that someone should “show up” who will make them feel butterflies in their stomachs, sweat on their hands and hearts jumping out of their eyes. Or, even, that they take them to paradise just with their presence. Everything else is too little.

These fantasies are a vague reminder of teenage first loves. Love and youth lead us to feel affection in this way during this phase of our lives.

While youth does not return, love will not be as effervescent as before. On the other hand, they can be much better, more real and longer lasting.

4. The ability to commit has not been developed

One of the most common reasons you don’t find the love of your life may be that it’s difficult to commit.

Making a commitment is not easy. It implies a set of losses and renunciations, as well as an acceptance that reality is incomplete and imperfect. It is the negotiation of romantic fantasy because it is a rational act.

Sometimes we don’t want to accept that reality has ordinary facets in which there are no violins playing. Commitment is not compatible with idealism, but with realism. Not everyone has the tools to commit heartily to one another. To that extent, no love will survive time and hardship.

5. Obsession with success

Currently, there is a great obsession with success, particularly in the professional sphere. People want to get to the top. Having more money, more prestige, more everything. The only way to achieve this is to give your life to work and projects.

Under these conditions, it is very difficult for a great love to thrive. Even for these people, love itself ends up becoming a company that must be profitable. At this point, one of the great secrets of true love needs to be revealed: we fall in love with each other’s vulnerabilities and needs, not their successes and successes.

If you’re sorry you can’t find the love of your life, maybe you should think there’s nothing to find. It is not about seeking, but about building. It’s not about being loved, it’s about loving. This is the formula for being able to live a fully happy relationship.