My Child Is Narcissistic: What Can I Do?

Selfishness, lack of empathy, aggressiveness… What can we do if we realize that we are creating a narcissist? Is it possible to re-educate this child or adolescent? Find out below.

“My son is a narcissist. I don’t know what we did wrong or I don’t know what went into your mind to behave that way.” Many parents seek expert help when they realize that certain situations are beyond their ability. Challenging behaviors, expanded egos, constant need for validation, distorted ideas…

While it is true that many assume that narcissists are not born, but made, and that the family environment is often decisive for the emergence of this behavior, there is another fact that we should appreciate. Pathological narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder is a psychiatric condition in which many other variables converge.

Once detected, when coexistence becomes complicated or even threatening, it is common to wonder what can be done. Children, teenagers and even adult children: narcissism is a reality that causes serious problems in any environment, with the family being the most common.

What characterizes a narcissistic child?

Currently, there is no scientific evidence that a gene for narcissistic personality disorder exists. According to a survey by the University of Utrecht published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the origin of this disorder is not entirely clear, but the social factor (education, context, reference models, etc.) has a relevant weight.

Sometimes many parents are fully aware that they have raised an overly spoiled child without limits. Other times, little ones take a parent as a role model, imitating self-centered and aggressive behavior. Likewise, affective neglect or highly competitive environments tend to shape narcissistic behaviors.

Now, there are many triggers and there may even be circumstances where there are several siblings, but only one has that personality trait. Not all variables are 100% known.

Let’s see how to tell if a child is narcissistic:

child narcissism

Greatness. She believes that she deserves more than the rest and that she is better than everyone else.
Constant need to be the center of attention. If they don’t, there is shouting, anger and even aggressive behavior.
Constant feelings of envy.
They may manifest antisocial behaviors: stealing from other children, assaults…
Exploitative relationships with your siblings, classmates, etc. They always look for something in return.
Problems with making and maintaining friendships.
They never express gratitude.
They are not responsible for their actions.
Tendency to have constant tantrums.

They challenge authority.
Lack of empathy.
Very superficial sense of identity.
Get offended quickly.
Emotional instability.
If they don’t receive praise, they feel empty or sad, reaching depressive states.

The adult child with narcissistic personality disorder

The main characteristic of the adult child with narcissistic traits is to manipulate the family to get what they want. They are people with little empathy and closeness to their loved ones. They also show a constant tendency to anger when they don’t get what they want, even cutting off contact with others.

However, after a few days, they usually come back as if nothing had happened. They often repeat that their parents brought them into the world and that, as such, they must provide them with financial support as well as any kind of help. Your selfishness can go to very insidious extremes.

What can I do if my child is narcissistic?

What do I do if I am fully aware that my child is a narcissist? Is there a way to go back? Can I do things differently to correct your behavior, guide you, reduce your greatness, and increase your self-esteem?

The truth is that the advances will be more significant the younger the child, but teenagers can also benefit from some changes in education. Let’s see some keys.

increase your empathy

It is important to ensure that our children are able to put themselves in others’ shoes. This takes time and effort, but it is essential that they consider other people’s perspectives, feelings that go beyond their own.

Resistance to frustration: they can’t have everything they want

Setting limits, saying “no” when necessary, and helping them to control negative emotions arising from frustration is key to gradually reducing the narcissistic personality.

Drive him towards altruistic behaviors

There are many ways to encourage cooperative, prosocial and altruistic behaviors in our children and teenagers. Enrolling them in courses or volunteering experiences, team sports, etc., can help them establish new visions, feelings and more empathetic approaches.

Ability to marvel, educate the humble look

If a child is narcissistic, this self-centered gaze may need to be diverted to other, larger environments.

Stimulating the ability to marvel is a good starting point, and for that, nothing better than bringing them closer to new interests: art, astronomy, nature… Improving passion for any subject, practice, sport or discipline is very appropriate.

Be the best example to improve your behavior

Every child should have their parents’ best example. We must not only guide and promote in them good behavior, manners, respect and empathy, they must see in us what we want to instill in them and, for this, it is essential that there be harmony and coherence between all parents and caregivers.

Responsibilities according to age

If a child is narcissistic, his arrogance and the idea that he is above all responsibilities and obligations must be corrected. It is a priority that they assume responsibilities according to their age; only in this way will they become better integrated into society and gradually better regulate their behavior.

Correct Emotional Management and Social Skills

Angry fits, irritability, mood swings, moments of sadness, high anxiety… The narcissistic personality sets in in childhood as a result of many variables, but emotional mismanagement always acts as a conditioning factor. We must guide them in the correct understanding and management of their emotional states to improve their self-control and how to face each situation.

On the other hand, it is also essential that they learn social skills to move in harmony and respect in society. Behaviors such as manipulation, lying, disrespect and aggressiveness will lead to exclusion and will always generate problems in any scenario.

In conclusion, it is true that when parents assume their child is a narcissist, the first thing they think about is what they did wrong. In these situations, it is best to seek professional help.

Only then will they have the best guide to get around the education and daily life of these children. This is a complex challenge, but if you start early, the results will be visible.