Anyone Who Argues A Lot To Prove His Wisdom Demonstrates His Ignorance

Those who argue a lot, trying to prove their wisdom or their universal truth, most of the time just demonstrate their ignorance. Because smart isn’t the one who wins the arguments, smart is the one who doesn’t provoke them and who, in turn, knows when to walk away when he becomes aware that there are battles that aren’t worth it.

So it’s clear that the art of arguing has a lot to do with one’s personality. Furthermore, the way in which we carry out this process is also related to the education received and the family dynamics in which we grew up. In these micro-universes so varied and at the same time complex, people often end up integrating the belief that whoever shouts the loudest is the one who leads the way.

Those who argue rarely do so to show different positions. The person tries to disarm, listens to respond and not to understand, thus increasing misunderstandings until creating an environment marked by negativity and tension. If since childhood we have seen our parents carry out real disputes based only on exchanging grudges, we will understand why this type of dynamic crystallizes from generation to generation.

Without a doubt there is no one to introduce us to the art of good discussions. All of this makes it not at all easy to manage these situations if the person in front of us is our partner or a close family member. Because the greater the emotional closeness, the greater the side effects and the more harmful the arsenals of reprimand.

The 5% theory in discussions between couples

We all know that the most complex discussions are the ones that take place between couples. It’s a complicated, bitter and intense scenario where emotions run high. Despite this, the obstinacy of imposing our point of view while we feel the need – somewhat desperate – to be understood, makes our arguments not always as clear or constructive as we would like them to be.

In couples therapy there is a theory that never fails when it comes to arguments. It’s the 5% rule. Within all this tangle of tensions and unreasonable differences, there is always a small corner where we can converge. Recognizing that 5% where we both agree does not mean at all that we should abandon our position in relation to the other 95%.

It is, so to speak, an “island of refuge”, where the couple can sit down to reach agreements. We must not forget that  the ultimate goal in our discussions with our partner is not to “win”, but rather to “build”. Something that can only be accomplished through adequate emotional intelligence, respect and the principle of reciprocity.

Whoever argues to be right loses everything

Surely you’ve already shaken a soda bottle at one time. When we remove the lid, the liquid inside will burst, spilling everything. That’s exactly what happens in these heated arguments, where in just five seconds we can lose everything. Letting go of a moment of anger can cost us a lifetime of regret.

Emotions are like soda. If we hold them back day after day by drinking and shutting up, by lowering our face and swallowing, the day will come when we will simply explode at the worst moment. Reacting to something in the same second has side effects.  Shut up and hang in there is not a good option either.

We propose that you reflect below on the strategies we can use to manage our discussions a little better.

The art of arguing with serenity and intelligence

A person can try to remain calm and say what is not worth saying. However,  we all have an “alarm button” that manages our limbic system. It is a brain structure that governs our most instinctive essence and whispers to us the message  “react, you are facing a threat” .

• The key to arguing intelligently is not to let them get you to this stage. We must avoid this stage where our will comes under the reins of the limbic system. Because that’s the time when anger, despair and lack of control will arise.

• Don’t let discussions get heated. Extend response times, envision a room of serene white light that you can enter from time to time to distance yourself, to continue seeing things clearly.

• The moment there are no more valid arguments to give rise to complaints, it’s time to stop. At this stage, the entire discussion becomes meaningless and becomes a battleground.

• Those who discuss calmly, intelligently and constructively actually hide all previous learning. He is someone who manages his emotions and, above all, has good self-knowledge and full security in his person.

We know that in our language the word “discuss” has a negative connotation. However,  there are discussions that are worth having if, through respect and attention, it is possible to reach agreements with them.  Something like this is only possible if both parties invest in an essential aspect: goodwill.