Conscious Listening, An Act Of Generosity

When a person says something to us, he expects us to pay attention, to let go of our worries for a moment and be willing to face his own. In a way, what is expected of us is a  conscious listening: a disinterested act in which we make our cognitive resources available. Therefore, conscious listening is an act of generosity.

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to say something important to someone and were constantly interrupted with the phrases “what happens to me is…”, or “you should have said or done this”, or “I had this experience when…” or even ask an off-topic question you were telling?

At these times you may feel bad and you may see a wall called frustration built in front of you. It is the feeling, so familiar especially in adolescence, that the world is a strange place without any contours to match yours. The logical consequence is that you stop trying to communicate, or that your efforts seem increasingly desperate.

You  often do the same thing to other people, too,  and that has the same unpleasant consequences. If you want to improve your relationships and communication with others, it is essential that you practice mindful listening.

What is conscious listening?

Inmaculada Domínguez is a psychologist who has studied the subject in depth. Next, we’ll focus on your research to try to answer that question. As the name suggests,  active listening is what we do consciously and voluntarily. In it, elements such as empathy, love for the other person, respect and attention come into play.

It’s about letting the other talk, paying real attention to what he says, not interrupting, asking questions that show interest in the subject so the other person feels truly heard. In fact, it  represents an act of true generosity to the other, of true interest in him or her.

In this way, we give time and make  room both in our heart and in our mind  for our interlocutor, something we really need, because the lack of time, the culture of immediacy and egocentrism make us unconsciously not dedicate we don’t even listen to others, something that seriously damages our social relationships.

Why the lack of conscious listening can damage social relationships?

We need to be listened to, a need that is part of our nature as social beings. If the listening is not reciprocal, the other person will notice a lack of interest in your feelings and your life. Honestly, nobody likes to be with someone they don’t care about.

Unfortunately, this is something that happens to the vast majority and, in addition, it  has increased with new technologies. Today we see groups of people who don’t talk because they’re stuck on their cell phone. So why get together?

People are focused on what happens on the internet, what they think, what they want to say, their own concerns, tasks, etc. They never stop, remain silent and listen to what others want to say, and this also creates a lot of confusion that can end up in arguments.

How to practice mindful listening?

If you want to improve your life, your relationships with others and with yourself, develop this kind of listening, you will notice the difference:

• Start meditating. It’s a way to stop your mind and be aware of the here and now. Through breathing and relaxation, you will find that you are able to stop the turmoil in your mind and focus on one thing.
• Listen with your body and not just your mind. Correct your posture, adapt it to the person’s, get closer to them, but without invading their living space, position your torso a little forward so that they perceive your interest.
• Do not interrupt. If you need to ask any questions related to the subject, please wait for the moment.
• Observe your gestures and the expression on your face; these complement the information that the other communicates with words.

Practicing conscious listening is an act of generosity  with your interlocutor and with yourself. With the other because he will receive a gift as valuable as his involvement, and with himself because this challenge always represents an opportunity to grow.