How To Live My Life With Your Emptiness (the Impossibility Of Being A Mother)

Being a mother is a personal choice. There are those who never feel the need and break, in a way, this traditional role that was expected of women until then. However, there is a more delicate aspect that includes a certain personal anguish and an emotional emptiness that, nowadays, has happened quite often.

For women who want to have children, the impossibility of being a mother is, without a doubt, a terrible pain that only those who have passed away can understand. We know that, currently, fertility techniques are very advanced, but even so, they are not always effective and not everyone can afford the high amounts needed to take advantage of them.

We must also not forget that the topic of fertility also affects men, and that suffering has no gender, no races or religions, and that we can all find ourselves in this situation. Because being a parent is  the greatest gift we can give ourselves; a treasure that contains our whole being and our love, someone to educate and guide at every step towards adequate happiness and personal maturity.

Let’s talk about this subject today, focusing on the figure of the woman, because of the emotional implication that usually occurs in every mother who dreams of having children, who wants to conceive, embrace, care for and educate…  and who, however, cannot do it.

Psychological implications of the impossibility of being a mother

As we said before, the experience of sterility  is not easy for men and women. It is possible that we are talking about a couple who are trying to have a child or just a woman who wants to have a family of her own.

In any case, the process of coming out and accepting that it will not be possible to have children is painful in every way. In fact, experts explain to us that the news of infertility is often experienced as a process of pain, as someone who must accept a loss:

1. There is a first moment of confusion and misunderstanding. It is even possible that we do not accept the situation. We have friends who already have children, and we may also have a family in which no one has had any problems conceiving a child until now. So why me?

2. Sometimes, we also have to face the social barrier  that doesn’t help in these phases. We cannot speak of rejection against the infertile woman, but of incomprehension, as sometimes the partner does not understand the pain of his partner, or friends and family try to console with that ” no problem, so they will stay longer free “. Expressions, in some cases, demolishing.

3. After misunderstanding, anger arises. We will look for someone to blame, including ourselves. What is it about me that doesn’t work? Guilt of some medicine? Was it something I did or didn’t do?

4. Later, the phase of dismay, tears and pain will arrive… there  are many women who already had some things prepared for this baby, long-term plans that must be redone…

How to approach the aspect of infertility?

We must be very clear that if the above process is not closed properly, with the acceptance of the fact that we cannot have children, depression is very likely to develop.

The feeling of failure, that there is something in us that escapes our hands, and that prevents us from being a mother, involves us in a completely helpless state, where low self-esteem can lead us to a depressed state.

– First of all, you must know that you are not alone. You have your partner, who you must lean on and who you must also support. Together, they will assess whether or not to pursue other options. If you dreamed of starting a single parent family, seek support from your family and friends. They will give you love and will possibly guide you through other options if you so desire.

– It is possible that you will never be able to live the experience of pregnancy,  and that is something that you will also have to assume as probability. But that’s not why you’ll love yourself any less. It is not because your body does not allow you to have children that you will reject yourself; don’t fall for those thoughts. You can fully enjoy motherhood through adoption, for example.

– If, for whatever reason, you can’t have this being to care for, protect and educate, don’t waste this need to love. There are many people around you who need you too. Love yourself in all your fullness; the impossibility of being a mother should not be a void in your life, as you can fill it in many other ways. Seek your paths and live happily!