How To Rebuild The Relationship With A “naughty” Child?

No parent wants to have a “naughty” child, that’s for sure. However, things do not always work out. They say that hell is full of good intentions, and this can often apply to the question of creation. Mom and Dad always do what they think is best, but thinking it’s best doesn’t mean it is.

It is not easy to raise a child in the midst of a society with great power of influence and perverse temptations. There is tons of information about it, but many times we come across contradictory or elaborate messages for families that only exist in the imagination of those who created them. Real parents, flesh and blood, make mistakes, get tired, exalt and contradict their manuals.

The point is that at some point children grow up, and as that happens you can’t help but feel that there are many points that fail. Sometimes very aggressive, other times exclusively impetuous. They don’t obey and we don’t have the tools to get them to do it either. In short, we realize that despite everything we’ve done, we’ve ended up with a “naughty” child.

However, all is not lost. It is always possible to get back on course, but depending on the age this mission can be more complicated. Here are some tips to repair these errors that may have occurred in the creation.

Signs that your child is “naughty”

It’s always good to make sure first that there really is a design problem. Not all children have the same temperament. Some have a stronger personality, and this has nothing to do with the education they received, but a natural inclination towards strong attitudes. What distinguishes a “naughty” child is a set of traits:

• Use your tantrums or tantrums as a weapon to get what you want. A more “sophisticated” alternative to tantrums is blackmail.
• He has frequent, very high intensity outbursts of temper in which he completely loses control.
• Use strong words to express yourself.
• It often damages its own objects or those of others, either accidentally or deliberately.
• Speaks lies in a conscious way and which you want to take advantage of.
• She has to put in a lot of effort to do her job and she won’t cooperate if you try to help her do it.
• He delegates his responsibilities or has to work hard to assume them.
• Sometimes steals.

The more described characteristics the child presents, the greater the probability that we are facing a “naughty” child. Undoubtedly, the parents tried to educate her to be responsible and have more self-control strategies, but something failed and now the child can transmit the feeling of being “uncontrollable”.

Bad behavior: causes and solutions

Children don’t misbehave because they do, and in most or virtually all cases, parents have a lot to do with how they act. Of course, bad parenting is what results in a naughty child. So, the first thing to detect is why the child is not behaving right. It is common for this to occur due to one of these reasons:

• Nobody taught you to manage the energy that emanates from your emotions, and neither did you learn it on your own. In most cases, it is this lack of management that makes the impulsive and uncontrolled expression of this energy possible.
• Parents also don’t know how to manage their emotions, so the example they set for their children is not appropriate.
• He feels that he was somehow mistreated, whether by indifferent or absent parents or by verbal or physical aggression. It will build resistance or show the resentment these mistreatment caused by misbehaving.

• You feel very pressured. Some parents mistakenly think their child is a miniature adult and burden him with demands and/or responsibilities. After a certain limit, the child will rebel.
• Parents do not know how to impose their authority.  Sometimes they implement ambivalent, irrational, or inconsistent norms. Sometimes they themselves do not comply with the norms they impose on their children. At other times, they are afraid of hurting them or feel guilty for some reason and they try to compensate for this fact by being too permissive.

The first thing, then, is to try to identify where the source of the problem is. In other words, seeing the aspect of creation that failed. Also, arm yourself with love and patience because they will be needed in the mission to reverse the situation.

It will also take a deep exercise in sincerity. Parents need to be willing and able to admit their mistakes, and to this add willingness to correct them. This task should not be delegated to children: this is the result of mistakes on both sides.

There are three tips that never fail in this process of reversing a bad creation. The first is to impose certain non-negotiable rules starting with practical aspects such as schedules. The second is to find relaxed moments where communication is fluid. Remember that, for example, play facilitates communication and helps to understand the meaning of the rules. Finally, listening is infallible: listening to him carefully and trying to understand his world will strengthen and enrich the relationship.

Images courtesy of Rhed Fawell.