I’m Just Me When I’m Alone

Miguel Hernández wrote in one of his most famous sonnets, entitled  “Para cuando me vez tengo compuesto”,  one of his best-known phrases: “I am just me when I am alone”. A phrase so simple and fascinating at the same time could not have come from another mind, but from a writer eager to convey the melancholy and beauty of the loneliness that intoxicated him.

Simple but melancholy things tend to restore the spirit of the most skeptical, of those who are tired of everything and everyone. I found in this sentence one of the greatest truths I have ever read and that I would always experience. I believe that Miguel Hernández referred in his sonnet to the feeling of being better with the company of his love and of feeling himself, but a worse version, when he was alone.

In any case, letting readers have the freedom to interpret a poem in whatever way they find comforting is one of a writer’s greatest pleasures. Although it’s a short sentence and short words, it outlines an idea with multiple goals. The intimate, unparalleled and authentic pleasure that many people find when they are alone.

I’m lonely, I’m not alone

People who enjoy their solitude are often generous to those around them. They know that the company does not imply mandates or demands. People who enjoy solitude tend to ask for less explanations, but they are also more demanding with their company. Just as they don’t ask for what they know they can’t demand, they suggest that others do that personal work that is equally reflected in their demands.

There is never an unchosen solitude, there are only necessary solitudes when the companies no longer make up for it. There is no worse feeling than feeling alone when you are surrounded by people. You spill some of your content forcefully, and then there’s only a residual, sticky, uncomfortable discomfort.

I always preferred to be alone than to feel alone being surrounded by people. People say, comment and I agree with that idea. It seems to me an extremely unpleasant feeling. I’m one of those who think that every new day we have a limited energy battery, if we don’t know how to spend it with those who deserve it, we’ll end up not being able to do anything when we really want or need it.

That’s why I say I  ‘m alone, not that I’m alone. I am alone in many ways, but I am not alone in any of them. I am surrounded by my presence and company, and this feeling does not seem to me to be objectionable.

It seems unbelievable to me to find even a single person among millions with whom to share the reflection that perhaps, at times, my loneliness has distorted. I love to surround myself with people who don’t make me alone, because with them I am alone, authentic, accompanied and enriched.

I’m alone when I’m alone, even if I can’t stand even in my loneliness

Sometimes I get up in a bad mood or I’m sad, like the rest of mortals. We are often told that we should seek companionship as the first option before experiencing boredom or sadness with ourselves. On many occasions I followed this advice that was recommended to me, but it turned out to be unsatisfactory.

I believe that no one should feel guilty about wanting to be alone when they are sad. There are many sad people paying for the mistakes of others, believing that they are better if they are accompanied, fleeing from the “terrible” loneliness.

For them, attacking, shouting, assaulting, insulting or lying is the same. They believe that life and relationships consist of that, which is the “salt” of life. In return, other people prefer to be more salt-free, but more “spicy” in the treatment, when appropriate.

Do not confuse the feeling of enjoying your solitude to the fullest with avoiding contact with others. We are neither schizoid nor paranoid nor unsociable. We simply assume what life has always repeated to us, we get the message: we prefer a company that makes us feel even happier, but we don’t need it to be happy.

We are what many people consider rare, demanding or childish. We continue to react innocently to the contradictions of the world and we do not like to be the first to do everything that is supposed to be done in this life. We’re not going back, we’re watching, so when it’s our turn, we’ll do everything right, without impositions. No need to feel tied down or watched.

I’m not me anymore when I’m alone, because nobody understands me the way I understand myself, and nobody likes me as much as I do. I, alone, don’t feel the worst version of myself, but sometimes only I understand my sorrows. When, in my loneliness, I meet someone, I don’t ask them to support them. This is the delicious pleasure of being able to be alone, being alone and choosing to be alone whenever you want.