The Big Trap Of Judging Others

All of us, at one time or another, have fallen into the terrible trap of judging others. But why do we refer to this very common fact in this way? Every time we pass judgment on someone, we create one or more stories that may be very far from reality, stories that we make up.

Think of that mother who is always late to take her child to school. Maybe you think of her as a terrible mother, or the lazy one who likes to sleep late, or the messy one who can’t organize her life. Have you ever stopped to wonder if all this is true? What you imagine is not always the most correct.

Without realizing it, you are guessing what might be going on in that person’s life. You’re falling into the trap of filling in information you don’t know a story you made up… You’re wrong and you’re not aware of it. We all have to put on some “special glasses” to see reality better.

the culprit is our ego

The reason we so rashly judge the other has to do with our own ego. Consciously or unconsciously, we need to feel better than others or express our rejection of a certain attitude. When we judge, we are closing the door to empathy.

When we talk about being empathetic to others many people say “yes, I am empathetic”. If a friend talks to me and needs to be listened to, I am able to put myself in her shoes, understand and encourage her without falling into the temptation to judge. True, you are empathetic, but only with people you know ; with others, you fall into the trap of judging.

We need to believe that we are superior, special and different. We prefer to observe from a safe distance the person we think is not doing well. We think that way because it feeds our ego and somehow makes us feel better about ourselves.

Have you ever felt isolated because no one understood you? Certainly, more than once the phrase “if they knew what I’m going through, what I’m going through…” has crossed your mind. It’s quite different to see things from someone else’s place, isn’t it?

Also, you believe you are right and the other person is not doing the right thing, but who are you to judge them? You don’t know what happened in your past. We are perfect? We all have the right to make mistakes, and even to take advantage of this opportunity to learn.

If you don’t know, ask instead of judging

Let’s go back to the example of the mother who is careless with her child, or at least that’s what you believe. Perhaps she is living under the dominion of an abusive husband, she may be experiencing depression, or someone in the family that she was very fond of has recently died. We don’t like these explanations because they would force us to get involved in the situation; it’s not easy.

If you believe that the other person is acting so badly, if your attitude is disconcerting and you point the finger at him, why not ask him what is going on? If you were in any of the above situations, you might even be grateful if someone completely unknown cared about you. Because maybe that’s what’s missing in your life.

Maybe it’s the beginning of a beautiful friendship, or simply a situation where you reach out to give the other the care they need. Certainly, at some point, you wished that someone would do something similar to you : instead of ignoring you or seeing you with eyes full of negative judgments, open your arms with understanding and understanding.

However, we are afraid to ask. If we did that, all our prejudices would collapse, we would have to dismantle the scheme we built in our minds and our ego would be affected. Somehow, we protect ourselves by falling into one of the most lethal traps: constantly criticizing the other.

We always fall into the trap of judging others. We would avoid this kind of trap by being aware of those processes that run automatically. So, the time has come to show interest in helping others, be patient and learn until we can act that way spontaneously.