The Infinite Loneliness Of Children Today

The last few decades have witnessed a growing trend almost all over the world: the precocious growth of children. It is common to see parents who sit by the baby’s crib and tell him about the importance of crying at certain times and not at others. “They need to learn from an early age” , they say.

From the beginning, they try to educate these children for what seems to be a kind of inflexible autonomy. They want their children to disturb them as little as possible: to learn to get up and lie down on their own; to carry out their schoolwork without anyone supervising them; that they wait “quietly” for their parents at home until they get home from work. In other words: to behave like little adults.

This attitude does not fail to provoke a certain feeling of guilt in the parents. The downside is that they try to dilute that guilt with expensive gifts or extreme care in certain aspects of life. Maybe they’re calling them every 2 hours “to see how they’re doing”. Or take advantage of the holidays to go with them to the other side of the world to, supposedly, make up for a little absence.

Exhausted parents and dissatisfied children

The loneliness of children is a real epidemic, caused by the climate of these times where it seems that the moments for hugs, kisses and quiet conversation no longer exist. Instead, there’s only time for work: weary people and tired faces. Parents who arrive late and are always tired and upset.

UNICEF conducted a survey on what quality of life means for children, and then it was able to prove that their point of view is very different from adults. Children around the world, ages 8 to 14, have listed what they consider to be “living well”. They don’t include expensive toys or weird gifts, but a very simple thing:

• That parents scream less and dialogue more
• Turn off your cell phones
• that hug them more
• That put them less time locked up in schools and more time doing physical activities with them
• That people smile more
• That there is no change in the house where they live

The children became silent and sad

It is now more common than ever to see children with sad or distant expressions. Children today feel very lonely and this makes them silent people. They don’t know how to express what they feel, because this is never a topic to be talked about. And not knowing how to perceive your inner world increases your loneliness.

They are also more irritable, intolerant and demanding. They cannot organize their emotions coherently. Many find it difficult to be spontaneous and are extremely vulnerable to the opinion of others.

Imposed loneliness is never good, because it sinks the sufferer into a kind of emotional mud, especially if it is a child. She feels unsupported, ungrounded. He experiences fear and, therefore, he can develop a defensive and phobic personality, which in his adult life will bring him great difficulties to relate in a healthy way with others.

What to do in the face of the immense loneliness of children?

Certainly, many parents have already realized that their children are very lonely, but they feel at a terrible crossroads: either they work to financially support the home or they experience hardship along with their children. However, something, or a lot, can be done about it. These are some possible attitudes:

• It is important to try to negotiate some kind of flexibility in working hours in terms of childcare. It can be at least an hour a week to devote to them.
• Arrange with the partner, or with other adults, the distribution of time, so that the children spend as little time as possible without a trusted adult by their side. This is for periods when they are not at school.
• Allocate time to dedicate it exclusively to children. If you devote at least 30 minutes a day, with your cell phone turned off and not thinking about anything, to hug your child, tell them in general terms about your day and ask them how theirs went, you will certainly be doing it. a great contribution. If you can’t devote 30 minutes, let it be at least 15 minutes every day.

• Play at least once a week with your child. This time is very precious: it passes very quickly and when it does, it doesn’t come back. If you play with her, you don’t have to say that you love her: she will know and feel valued.

Whatever the conditions, it’s worth thinking about how to spend more time with children. They deserve it. They are in a stage of life where all experiences mark. This may mean some sacrifice for you, but it will certainly be worth it.

Remember that for them there are things that are very important!

Images courtesy of Tankieka Kast, Anne Byrme.