The Relationship Between Low Self-esteem And Self-sabotage

Low self-esteem and self-sabotage constitute a two-headed creature capable of devouring all human potential, all value and personal integrity. Lack of self-confidence and insecurity are accompanied by a voice over  which, with a malicious tone, tells us almost every moment that we are fallible, that we are not going to achieve anything, and that it is useless to hope.

If we could put a loudspeaker in the thoughts of at least 50% of the people we meet on a daily basis, we would discover something both revealing and frightening at the same time. Limiting thoughts, negative self-evaluations and self-criticism would not be lacking in their minds. We all somehow act like our own enemies at some point in the day.

Self-sabotage is common, and as such, we may open the door for this uncomfortable tenant at some point. Now,  the problem occurs when we give him too much power and give that debilitating voice a fixed place in our lives. Nobody deserves an existence where you are your own worst enemy. And this is basically due to low self-esteem that has been neglected and long forgotten.

Low self-esteem and self-sabotage, when we underestimate ourselves for years

We know that low self-esteem and self-sabotage are related. However, which comes first? Is it low appreciation for our person or is it negative self-talk that weakens self-esteem more and more? In fact, we cannot separate one thing from the other, because everything is a continuum, everything responds to a mental focus centered on failure, insecurity and lack of self-confidence.

Thus, there are those who say with all the good intentions in the world to that friend, to that co-worker, that: ‘you need to love yourself more, you have to take care of your self-esteem’ . However, it is very possible that they do not know how to perceive themselves otherwise. This low self-esteem can be present since childhood, configuring a type of focus and mental pattern that is very difficult to break. Negative attribution and self-sabotage are almost chronic.

A study by Jennifer Campbell of the University of Vancouver, Canada, points to something relevant to us. Self-esteem clarifies self-concept. Promoting healthy self-esteem early on will help us build a resilient personality  with better resources.

On the contrary, if from the early years, fears, insecurity or the fear of not living up to the expectations of others are weighed, it will not be easy for us to change our approaches from one day to the next. Of course, this will require a deeper skill.

There is a ‘Trojan horse’ in your thinking: get rid of it

When low self-esteem and self-sabotage are constant in our lives, we must be aware of something. There are, as it were, certain ‘Trojan horses’ or viruses in our mental focus. There are certain codes of thought that install themselves in our minds with a very clear purpose: interfering in projects, destroying dreams, transforming us into someone we don’t like.

• Don’t blame your upbringing or what other people have said or led you to believe about yourself. Self-esteem is built by you and you alone, depending on how you talk to yourself  and how you interpret each experience, each event that surrounds you.
• Eliminate these Trojans by sanitizing your self-talk. Eliminate the ‘I can’t’ , the  ‘It won’t work, I’m not worth it, they’ll think that of me, I’m sure I’m going to fail’ . Do not invalidate yourself as a human being ; if you are here for some reason, then clarify your goals, your purposes and your reason for being.

Doing nothing is also self-sabotaging, so move on

When we talk about self-sabotage, we instantly visualize someone thinking negative things about themselves. Now, we must keep in mind that self-sabotage is a prism with many faces. One of them, perhaps one of the most relevant, is procrastination, not reacting to what hurts, worries or frightens you. Abandoning projects, leaving something for fear of failing or not daring, all this ends up undermining our self-esteem.

If we really want to change and increase our positive self-awareness, we must use our strength wisely. Being proactive, finishing what we started, making commitments and finding ways to enjoy the day to day generates great satisfaction.

Against  low self-esteem and self-sabotage, responsibility

To overcome low self-esteem and self-sabotage, large doses of responsibility are needed. No one else will do it for us. Furthermore, in our daily lives, things will always happen that will put us to the test, that will force us to know how to react, adapt and respond. Doing it in the best way is our obligation.

Therefore, to achieve strong self-esteem, it is not enough to love oneself very much, it is also necessary to have a life story in which the edges – mistakes, traumas, disappointments, etc. – are integrated and to accept dissonances and contradictions. At the same time, it’s a priority that we  learn to be compassionate to ourselves in order to tolerate mistakes, yet demanding enough to excel every day.

Self-sabotage is the echo of a voice that doesn’t love us and, as such, we should get rid of it as quickly as possible. Life is complicated enough for us to live with someone who likes to invalidate us inside of us. This work requires time, perseverance and daily commitment.