The Smile Of Those Who Are No Longer Present Will Be Our Fondest Memory
If we want to keep a beautiful memory of those who have departed, the key is to evoke their smile. Doing this is a way to generate positive feelings that, although they are not without hints of sadness and melancholy, can help us not to tarnish your image with these.
However, our grief has certain phases that are necessary to manage the thoughts, behaviors, feelings and emotions that the loss of those we love or who are important in our lives generates.
Likewise, the thing to keep in mind is that we cannot get used to the people we love dying and therefore each loss will put us to the test or require us to manage our resources in some way to support the situation.
The mourning, the loss of those who have already left
Saying goodbye to those who have departed is a process that, in one way or another, is not just a goodbye. It is difficult to understand and we often believe that we must face the loss in order to stop “thinking, feeling or behaving” according to what she supposed we would do. However, it is a process that consists of a few phases:
the denial
According to grief specialist Elisabeth Klüber-Ross, at first we tend to act by denying reality and trying to convince ourselves that “we are fine” or that “the death of this person does not exist”. We could say that this denial is as normal as it is fleeting when we lose someone, as we need to cushion the impact.
Let’s say that we need to give our mind a break to take on a reality that is extremely painful. Let’s say that this defense mechanism provides a certain emotional distance that is necessary so that we can, in a serene way, set up a scheme that allows us to adapt to this event.
the anger
There will come a time, and each person has their time, when we will finally see that we have actually lost that person. This often makes us feel the need to “get even” for the loss, because of the feeling of having a knife stuck in the chest that prevents us from breathing. “That’s not fair” “Why her (and not me)?” “Because now?” , we usually say raging with life, God (if you believe him) or the world.
The deal
It is also common to have the conscious or unconscious idea of “trying to do something to regain a life worth living in your absence” . We can even think about reuniting with our loved ones or any other way to postpone death. Here we try to negotiate with the idea that we have of a higher power (God or other conceptions), we ask for more time or the opportunity to say those “I like you”, “I love you” that we didn’t say in life.
depression
Finally comes the point where we understand death through a sense of being trapped and terribly sad. This is the stage in which we cry sorely and are not able to support our lives.
The acceptance
It is likely that, over time, we will come to understand that death is irremediable and that the best way to remember those who are gone and who we loved so much is to evoke their smile.
Bring our hearts to the smile of those who are no longer
A loss cannot be treated in terms of overcoming or not overcoming, as this implies renouncing the reality that accompanies it and resigning ourselves to “forgetting” the absent people. To be able to “accept death as part of life” it is necessary to allow yourself to feel and not force yourself to “recover” quickly.
Giving yourself some time, making sense of this loss and ritualizing it in a way that makes sense to us is essential when allowing us to live life. So, for every loss we experience in our lives, we must allow ourselves to honor our memories.
There will come a time when, naturally, by remembering the smile of those who are not, their memory will not disturb our minds, but will help us to understand that although they are not physically present, they will always be in our hearts.
