Values ​​in Love Relationships

Assuming that no two couples are alike, let’s talk about what the similarity of values ​​can bring good to love relationships, making them flow in a healthy way. Establishing specific values ​​in a loving relationship can lay the foundation for the relationship to work properly.

What is a couple? The term can refer to a set of two people in a more or less formalized affective relationship: dating, betrothal, marriage or stable union.

What are we referring to when talking about values? Values ​​refer to the qualities or virtues that characterize a person, an action or an object, and are considered positive or of great importance by a social group.

In other words, values ​​would be those qualities that stand out in each person that lead them to act in one way or another due to the fact that they are part of their beliefs. Furthermore, they express their interests and condition their behavior.

Values ​​in love relationships

In the study by Medina et al. (2005), in the semantic dimension of intimacy, it is observed that both men and women look for someone with similar needs, compatible, with common characteristics, with whom it is possible to identify, with similar tastes.

According to the instrumental theory of partner selection, the previous point is due to the fact that people look for someone who has values ​​similar to their own (Centers, 1975). In this way, couples are formed by identifying partners who have similar social, economic and cultural characteristics (Rice, 1997).

If we paddle together, in the same direction…

Rowing together in the same direction, determining values ​​in love relationships, can lay the groundwork for these relationships to work properly or for them to improve.

The behaviors and expectations that each individual has, in this case referring to the couple relationship, respond to the beliefs and social values ​​transmitted through the socialization process to which they were subjected  (Kaminsky, 1981).

The socialization process is transformative over time, as it causes social values ​​and norms to change, which is why it is expected that people’s beliefs and behaviors do as well (Díaz-Guerrero, 2003).

This is how expectations, values ​​and behaviors in love relationships have changed (García-Meráz, 2007), managing to create new parameters, which are influenced and respond to the social situation in which the couple finds themselves (Snyder and Stukas, 1999).

Working for the right values ​​in love relationships

Establishing values ​​in love relationships is an objective that requires joint work. As we talked about at the outset, each couple is unique and, therefore, the values ​​that make it up too.

However, we can talk about some basic values that most couples agree on. We talk about values ​​such as love, fidelity, mutual support, generosity, mutual respect and communication. Next, we’ll describe each of them.

Love

There are many types of love, but they are all governed by the same common thread. Saying “I love you” to someone is not the same as saying “I want you”.

These sequences, near and far, unite a series of phenomena that range from passion to established love and, from there, to coexistence. It supposes the surprise of discovering the other person and falling in love, in order to reach a stable, lasting and persistent formula.

loyalty

Loyalty will depend on the type of agreement previously established. Each couple makes a kind of commitment. There are exclusively monogamous couples, others not.

The matter seems clear: if covenants are kept, there is fidelity. When they are not met, there is a trap.

Support

Being able to rely on someone else, relying on the fact that they will not fail and will protect their interests, is a feeling that makes us more brave, less vulnerable.

This is a plus for dealing with adversity. It is about empathizing with the partner, trying to understand the other more and better, expressing acceptance and unconditional support.

Generosity

It may sound strange, but there are times when selfishness takes precedence over generosity. There are those who find it difficult to be generous with their partner and only know how to ask or look at themselves (“I need”, “I want”, “I would like to”), which generates negative feelings.

However, being in a loving relationship is more than that. The best way to be generous with your partner is not to think only about yourself, it is to put yourself in the other’s shoes, trying to understand their point of view, even without agreeing with them on some occasions.

Respect

Building a relationship based on mutual respect is an essential value. At this point, the members of the couple need to be on the same level.

It is about offering an individual space in the relationship and a space for both. We also talk about respect when we accept the other person in their entirety, without trying to change them.

Communication

It would be good to establish an assertive and fluid communication that builds trust. The so-called assertive communication is defined by Satir (1988) as the ability to express oneself in a direct, honest and respectful way.

In any case, opening communication channels in the relationship means that both people make a commitment to share what corresponds to a bond, that is, disagreements, achievements, common goals, needs, etc., or develop a willingness to learn to do it. Good communication is reflected in healthy bonds, mutual respect, affection, affection and companionship.